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#1734 : Signs of the 2000`s

# Before you criticize someone walk a mile in their shoes. That way if they get angry they`ll be a mile away -- and barefoot.

# A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

# If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you`ve never tried before.

# My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

# Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

# It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

# I have found at my age going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of my face.

# For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

# Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

# A closed mouth gathers no feet.

# If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

# Always yield to temptation, because it may not pass your way again.

# Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

# A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

# Eat well - stay fit - die anyway.

# Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

# No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

# A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

# Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.

# Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

# Junk is something you throw away three weeks before you need it.

# There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

# Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

# Going to church doesn`t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you a mechanic.

# Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.

# By the time you can make ends meet they move the ends.

# Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

# Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

# I believe the only time the world beats a path to my door is when I`m in the bathroom.

# Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused.

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#1734 : Signs of the 2000`s

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