Allow adult content






Bookmark and Share

Funny Jokes

Funny Photos

Funny Movies

Funny Games


Subscribe!
Get free jokes in your email.

Join our Facebook group!




Customer to waiter
Why are you writing very slowly?
I have swallowed a key
An old rich man buys hearing aids
A Kid calls the Help Desk
A blonde man filling up an application form
A Blonde cuts sides of the capsule before taking it
This is the only way
A ship is sinking


Dealing with a juggler
Careful when you wish
Answering machine message 67
Getting into fights
Go on a hiking trip
A snail buys a fast new car
Boat troubles
A 10pm curfew was imposed in Belfast
Woman is on a bus

Category: Quotes
Reader Rating:
Contributor: lyn
Views: 3354
Help keep us free..click a sponsor
Keep us free....Share this with a friend.

#727 : Steven Wright 26

All the plants in my house are dead--I shot them last night. I was torturing them by watering them with ice cubes.

I put my air conditioner in backwards. It got cold outside. The weatherman on TV was confused. "It was supposed to be hot today."

I was in a job interview and I opened a book and started reading. Then I said to the guy, "Let me ask you a question. If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen?" He said, "I don't know." I said, "I don't want your job."

I was in the first submarine. Instead of a periscope, they had a kaleidoscope. "We,re surrounded."

Last time I went camping, I accidentally borrowed a circus tent. I didn't know until I got there and set it up. People complained because they couldn't see the lake. There was a forest nearby, but it wasn't a regular forest. It was a forest made out of paneling. It was a long, thin forest.

When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, if this keeps up, by the time I,m six I,ll be ninety.

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be if that didn't happen.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

It's a fine night to have an evening.



Rate It
5

4

3

2

1
Share It...
 
Embed url :

Add our site :



Purchase Novelty Clothing, Novelty Gifts, Joke Books, Fake Products and much more!.
Visit the Roll Over Laughing Store page now.

Other Links - Links Gizmo | Lot123 Auctions | Eziaccounts Accounting

Home | Categories | Add joke or photo | Top 10 jokes | Top 10 photos | New jokes | New photos | Search | Contact us | Advertise | Store |



Friendly Reminders Close




Keep us laughing too...

share a laugh with your friends

Close