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Customer to waiter
Why are you writing very slowly?
I have swallowed a key
An old rich man buys hearing aids
A Kid calls the Help Desk
A blonde man filling up an application form
A Blonde cuts sides of the capsule before taking it
This is the only way
A ship is sinking


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Woman is on a bus

Category: Quotes
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Contributor: lyn
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#714 : Steven Wright 17

For a while I didn't have a car... I had a helicopter... No place to park it, so I just tied it to a lamp post and left it running... [Slow glance upward.]

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit the gas, people behind me stop, and I`m gone.

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I`m the only one moving.

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my car going really fast, and stick it out the window. I`ve been arrested three times for practicing.

I put a new engine in my car, but forgot to take the old one out. Now my car goes 500 miles per hour. The harmonica sounds *amazing*.

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they wouldn`t have to go so fast.

I had to stop driving my car for a while... The tires got dizzy.

My neighbor has a circular driveway... He can`t get out.

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn`t park anywhere near the place.



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