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Customer to waiter
Why are you writing very slowly?
I have swallowed a key
An old rich man buys hearing aids
A Kid calls the Help Desk
A blonde man filling up an application form
A Blonde cuts sides of the capsule before taking it
This is the only way
A ship is sinking


Dealing with a juggler
Careful when you wish
Answering machine message 67
Getting into fights
Go on a hiking trip
A snail buys a fast new car
Boat troubles
A 10pm curfew was imposed in Belfast
Woman is on a bus

Category: Quotes
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Contributor: lyn
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#709 : Steven Wright 12

If you`re not part of the solution, you`re part of the precipitate.

[Referring to a glass of water] I mixed this myself. Two parts H, one part O. I don`t trust anybody!

They say we,re 98% water. We,re that close to drowning... [Picks up his glass of water from the stool...] I like to live on the edge...

I bought some powdered water, but I don't know what to add to it.

I was born by Cesarean section... But not so you`d notice. It`s just that when I leave a house, I go out through the window.

When I was a baby, I kept a diary. Recently, I was rereading it. It said, "Day 1 -- Still tired from the move. Day 2 -- Everybody talks to me like I`m an idiot." I was upset because on my second birthday, I went from being one to being two, and my age doubled in a year. I figured at this rate, by the time I`m six, I,ll be ninety.

When I was little, my grandfather used to make me stand in a closet for five minutes without moving. He said it was elevator practice.

I didn't get a toy train like the other kids. I got a toy subway instead. You couldn`t see anything, but every now and then you`d hear this rumbling noise go by.

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, "Do you have any toy train schedules?"



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