RollOverLaughing.com

Category: Quotes
Reader Rating: 5 votes

Contributor: lyn
Views: 3383

Help keep us free..click a sponsor

Keep us free....Share this with a friend.

#707 : Steven Wright 10

So I figured I`d leave the area, because I had no ties there anyway except for this girl I was seeing. We had conflicting attitudes: I really wasn't into meditating and she wasn't really into being alive. I told her I knew when I was going to die because my birth certificate has an expiration date.

I can remember the first time I had to go to sleep. Mom said, "Steven, time to go to sleep." I said, "But I don`t know how." She said, "It's real easy. Just go down to the end of tired and hang a left." So I went down to the end of tired, and just out of curiosity I hung a right. My mother was there, and she said "I thought I told you to go to sleep."

I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that means it`s going to be up all night.

My girlfriend`s so intense... She woke me up the other night and asked, "If you could tell exactly when and how you were going to die, would you want to know?" "Heck no," I said, "Why?" "Doesn`t matter, just go back to sleep..."

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said, "No, I made a few mistakes."

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

One night I walked home very late and fell asleep in somebody`s satellite dish. My dreams showed up on TVs all over the world.

I was once arrested for walking in someone else's sleep.

It`s a good apartment because they allow pets. I have a Shetland pony named Nikkie. Last summer Nikkie was involved in a bizarre electrolysis accident. All her hair was removed except for her tail. Now I rent her out to Hare Krishna family picnics.

Embed url :

Add our site :

Purchase Novelty Clothing, Novelty Gifts, Joke Books, Fake Products and much more!. Visit the Roll Over Laughing Store page now.

Help keep us free..click a sponsor

#707 : Steven Wright 10

Keep us laughing too... share a laugh with your friends

Keep us laughing too...

share a laugh with your friends