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#706 : Steven Wright 09

What`s another word for Thesaurus?

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song? The guy who wrote that song wrote everything.

My grandfather invented Cliff`s Notes. It all started back in 1912... Well, to make a long story short ...

I`m writing a book. I,ve got the page numbers done, so now I just have to fill in the rest.

I`m writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I owed my friend George $25. For about three weeks I owed it to him. The whole time I had the money on me -- he didn't know it. Walking through New York City, 2:30 in the morning and got held up. He said, "Gimme all your money." I said, "Wait a minute." I said, "George, here`s the 25 dollars I owe you." The the thief took a thousand dollars out of his own money and he gave it to George. At gunpoint made me borrow a thousand dollars from George.

I`d like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend. It's called, "They`ll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away ,Cause I`m Not Raking ,Til Spring."

My girlfriend asked me how long I was going to be gone on this tour. I said, "the whole time."

My girlfriend does her nails with white-out. When she`s asleep, I go over there and write misspelled words on them.

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#706 : Steven Wright 09

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