 | #1737 True Internet addiction
You Are Maliciously Internet Addicted When:
1. You kiss your girlfriend`s/boyfriend`s home page.
2. Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.
3. Your eyeglasses ha... |
| #1736 Make life simpler tips
1. Old telephone books make ideal personal address books. Simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don`t know.
2. Fool other drivers into thinking you have an expensive car phone by h... |
| #1735 Thinnest books around
# The Book Of Virtues By Bill Clinton
# The Amish Phone Directory
# Mike Tyson`s Guide To Dating Etiquette
# George Foreman`s Big Book Of Baby Names
# French Hospitality
# Everything Wo... |
| #1734 Signs of the 2000`s
# Before you criticize someone walk a mile in their shoes. That way if they get angry they`ll be a mile away -- and barefoot.
# A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
# If you m... |
| #1733 You`re no longer cool
You Are No Longer "Cool" When
1. You find yourself listening to talk radio.
2. You daughter says she got pierced and you look at her ears.
3. The pattern on your shorts and couch mat... |
| #1732 Tell him that he`s stupid
Creative Ways To Say Someone Is Stupid
1. A few crumbs short of a crouton.
2. A few clowns short of a circus.
3. A few fries short of a Happy Meal.
4. An experiment in Artifici... |
| #1731 Terrorize telemarketer
Ways to Terrorize a Telemarketer
1. Tell them to talk VERY SLOWLY, because you want to write EVERY WORD down.
2. Insist that the caller is really your buddy Leon, playing a joke. "Come on ... |
| #1730 All of life`s annoyances
Doesn`t It Annoy You When...
1. ...there`s a car alarm nearby that goes on for hours and the owner is nowhere to be found?
2. ...you buy an answering machine so you won`t miss any calls, a... |
| #1729 Wrong kid is mowing
Signs You Hired The Wrong Kid To Mow Your Lawn
1. He shows up with a pair of nail clippers and a Ziploc bag.
2. On the side of his mower you notice the stenciled silhouettes of thirteen ca... |
| #1728 Cards not in Hallmark
# "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife."
# "How could two people as beautiful you have such an ugly baby?"
# "I`ve always wanted to have someone to hold, someone ... |
| #1727 You`re a bad customer
You Might Be A Bad Customer If:
1. You escort people out of line for having 11 items in the "10 items or less" lane.
2. You walk into a store at 10 minutes to close not knowing what you wa... |
| #1726 AOL as an entire city
# You`d live in a place where no two people had the same name.
# You`d only pay $21.95 a month to live there, but half the time you tried to leave your house, the door would be stuck.
# Once you... |
| #1725 Too many Y2K fears
Signs You Took Y2K Too Serious
1. You didn`t find out that nothing happened for a week because you were holed up in your cellar.
2. You don`t have to go to the grocery store for a year.
... |
| #1724 Excuses for sleeping
Excuses To Use When Caught Sleeping At Work
1. They told me at the blood bank that this might happen.
2. This is just a 15 minute power nap like they raved about in that time management co... |
| #1723 A new car from AOL
# The AOL car would have a TOP speed of 40 MPH yet have a 200 MPH speedometer.
# The AOL car would come equipped with a NEW and fantastic 8-Track tape player.
# The car would often refuse to sta... |
