 | #279 Possible IBM acronyms
IBM: It`s Being Mended
IBM: Inmense Ball of Muck
IBM: I Believe in Memorex
IBM: It`s Better than Macintosh!
IBM: Idiots Built Me
IBM: Intense Bowel Movement
IBM: Inferior But Marketable?
IBM: I... |
| #278 Emacs acronyms
EMACS: Escape-Meta-Alt-Control-Shift
EMACS: Eight Megabytes And Constantly Swapping
EMACS: Even a Master of Arts Comes Simpler
EMACS: Emacs Manuals Are Cryptic and Surreal
EMACS: Energetic Merchan... |
| #277 Twas the night before crisis
Twas the night before crisis,
And all through the house,
Not a program was working,
Not even a browse.
Programmers were wrung out,
Too mindless to care,
Knowing chances of cutover
Hadn`t a pr... |
| #276 How to shoot yourself in the foot
Assembler: You shoot yourself in the foot.
Ada: The Department of Defense shoots you in the foot after offering you a blindfold and a last cigarrette.
BASIC (interpreted): You shoot yourself in ... |
| #275 Hacker syndrome
There is some compelling force in all Hackers that seems to draw them to their computers every day. Why they get up at 4am to use the modem, and why they continue to rack up a truly incredible phone b... |
| #274 Girlfriend 1.0 software
Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3.1 to GirlFriendPlus1.0 (marketing name: Fiancee1.0).
Recently he upgraded Fiancee1.0 to Wife1.0, and it`s a memory hogger! It has taken all his space;... |
| #273 Software development cycle
1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.
2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.
3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 aren`t r... |
| #272 Confusion about Y2K
Dear Boss,
I hope I haven`t misunderstood your instructions. Because to be honest, boss, none of this Y to K dates problem makes any sense to me.
At any rate I have finished converting all the m... |
| #271 Great news for Bill Gates
Bill Clinton, Boris Yeltsin, and Bill Gates were called in by God. God informed them that he was very unhappy about what was going on in this world. Since things were so bad, he told the three that he... |
| #270 Husband 1.0
Husband 1.0
Last year a friend of mine upgraded from BoyFriend 1.0 to Husband 1.0 and found that it`s a memory hog, leaving very little system resources available for other applications.
She is no... |
| #269 Alice is in UNIX land
Can you help me? asked Alice.
"No," said Negative.
"I`m looking for a white consultant." Alice pointed in the direction she had been walking. "Did he go this way?" she asked.
"No," said Negat... |
| #268 Car break trouble
A Software Engineer, a Hardware Engineer and a Branch Manager were on their way to a meeting. They were driving down a steep mountain road when suddenly the brakes on their car failed. The car careene... |
| #267 Top ten reasons television is better than PC
10. It doesn`t take minutes to build the picture when you change TV channels.
9. When was the last time you tuned in to "Melrose Place" and got a "Error 404" message?
8. There are fewer grating ... |
| #266 The 25 BBS Commandments
1. Thou shall love thy BBS with all thy heart and all thy bytes.
2. Thou shalt remember thy name and password.
3. Thou shalt only call a BBS two times a day.
4. Honor thy SysOp.
5.... |
| #265 Top ten signs that your co-worker is a hacker
10. You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was $20,000.
9. He`s won the Publisher`s Clearing House sweepstakes three years running.
8. When asked for his phone number, he gives it in h... |
