 | #294 Operating systems as beers
DOS Beer -- Requires you to use your own can opener, and requires you to read the directions carefully before opening the can. Originally only came in an 8-oz. can, but now comes in a 16-oz. can. Howe... |
| #293 Real software engineers
Real software engineers eat quiche.
Real software engineers don`t read dumps. They never generate them, and on the rare occasions that they come across them, they are vaguely amused.
Real softwa... |
| #292 Microsoft buys church
MICROSOFT Bids to Acquire Catholic Church
VATICAN CITY (AP) -- In a joint press conference in St. Peter`s Square this morning, MICROSOFT Corp. and the Vatican announced that the Redmond software gi... |
| #291 Bill Gates can choose his punishment
Bill Gates suddenly dies and finds himself face to face with God. God stood over Bill Gates and said, "Well Bill, I`m really confused on this one. It`s a tough decision; I`m not sure whether to send y... |
| #290 Actual calls to technical support
Computer novices may feel like they`re alone these days, but some of the following calls to IBM`s help center show there are plenty of people out there who still are inching onto the information super... |
| #289 The computer user`s reboot poem
Don`t you wish when life is bad
and things just don`t compute,
That all we really had to do
was stop and hit reboot?
Things would all turn out ok,
life could be so sweet
If we had those specia... |
| #288 Programmer`s drinking song
99 little bugs in the code,
99 bugs in the code,
Fix one bug, compile it again,
101 little bugs in the code.
101 little bugs in the code,
101 bugs in the code,
Fix one bug, compile it again,
10... |
| #287 Top ten signs that someone is using your e-mail
10. "Honey, why is an 18-wheeler from Amazon.com backing into our driveway?"
9. One Secret Service agent is sitting on your head while another is slapping cuffs on you.
8. Apparently, your flame... |
| #286 Real opcodes
AAC Alter All Commands
AAD Alter All Data
AAO Add And Overflow
AAR Alter At Random
AB Add Backwards
ABC AlphaBetize Code
ABR Add Beyond Range
ACC Advance CPU Clock
ACDC Allow Controller to Del... |
| #285 If companies run Christmas
If IBM ran Christmas...
They would want one big Santa, dressed in blue, where kids queue up for their present-processing. Receiving presents would take about 24-36 hours of mainframe processing time.... |
| #284 Programming language acronyms
ADA: A Dumb Arrangement
ADA: A Dumb Acronym
ADA: A Dumb Annoyance
BASIC: Boring And Shamelessly Idiotic Coders
BASIC: Badly Assembled, Severely Illogical Code
BASIC: Beginner`s Algorithms for S... |
| #283 The Ten Commandments for C Programmers
1. Thou shalt run lint frequently and study its pronouncements with care, for verily its perception and judgement oft exceed thine.
2. Thou shalt not follow the NULL pointer, for chaos and madness ... |
| #282 New Microsoft Windows advertising slogans
At the time of writing, Microsoft`s slogan for Windows 95 was "Where do you want to go today?" These are some alternative and probably more truthful ad slogans for use with Windows.
1. Microsoft gi... |
| #281 Architect programmer
Dear Mr. Architect,
Please design and build me a house. I am not quite sure of what I need, so you should use your discretion.
My house should have between two and forty-five bedrooms. Just make... |
| #280 Computer help stories
This article is from the Wall Street Journal, Tuesday, March 1, 1994: Befuddled PC Users Flood Help Llines, and No Qquestion Seems To Be Too Basic
AUSTIN, Texas - The exasperated help-line caller s... |
