 | #340 Computer used too long
You know you have been on the computer too long when...
When you are counting objects, you go "0,1,2,3,4,5,6,7,8,9,A,B,C,D...".
When asked about a bus schedule, you wonder if it is 16 or 32 bits... |
| #339 Ode to spell checkers
by Jerrold H Zar
I have a spelling checker.
It came with my PC.
It plane lee marks four my revue
Miss steaks aye can knot sea.
Eye ran this poem threw it,
Your sure reel glad two no.
I... |
| #338 Customer support logs
Actual dialog of a former Customer Support employee:
Support: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
Customer: "Yes, well, I`m having trouble with WordPerfect."
Support: "What sort ... |
| #337 Computer problem report
1. Describe your problem:
________________________________
________________________________
2. Now, describe the problem
accurately:
________________________________
__________________________... |
| #336 If Microsoft built cars
Top Ten ways things would be different if Microsoft built cars:
1. A Particular model year of car wouldn`t be available until AFTER that year, instead of before.
2. Every time they repainted the... |
| #335 Internet can get worse
Top ten ways the Internet could get worse
10. Rigorous user screening process abolished by America On-Line.
9. "MAKE MONEY FAST" posts protected by 1st amendment, declare internet lawyers Canter... |
| #334 Computer acronyms list
IBM
I Blame Microsoft
Idiots Buy Me
Idiots Building Machines
I`ll Buy Macintoshes
It Bit Me
It Built Microsoft
It`s Better Manually
I`ve Been Mislead
I`ve Been Mugged
WIN... |
| #333 Life cycle of software
1. Programmer produces code he believes is bug-free.
2. Product is tested. 20 bugs are found.
3. Programmer fixes 10 of the bugs and explains to the testing department that the other 10 are... |
| #332 Oh the Internet is slow
The Net is Slow
Oh, the network outside is frightful,
But on campus, it`s so delightful,
Our packets have nowhere to go,
Net is slow, net is slow, net is slow.
It doesn`t show signs of stoppi... |
| #331 I have a keyboard error
A person turned on the computer without a keyboard plugged in.
When she turns on the computer, the computer finds out that there is no keyboard attached and it gives a "Keyboard Error" message.
... |
| #330 Fixing broken computers
An office technician got a call from a user. The user told the tech that her computer was not working. She described the problem and the tech concluded that the computer needed to be brought in and se... |
| #329 Purchasing furniture
I work as a systems administrator, and part of m job involves answering questions about computers. I generally like my job, but sometimes it gets on my nerves. When people ask me what I find so irrita... |
| #328 Changing number terms
In a recent contest in The Washington Post, readers were asked to take an expression using a number, add or subtract one, and create a new definition:
The Year 2001 Problem: How to find jobs for al... |
| #327 Q and A 03
My sister opened a computer store in Hawaii.
She sells C shells by the seashore.
Q: What does a proud computer call his little son?
A: A microchip off the old block.
Q: What happens if you cro... |
| #326 The system crash song
SYSTEM CRASH (to the tune of "The Monster Mash")
I was working in the lab, late one night
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight,
Some smoke from our VAX began to rise
And suddenly, to my surprise.... |
