Allow adult content









Select to veiw... Animals ( 105 ) Answer Machine ( 268 ) Aviation ( 40 ) Bar Drinking ( 72 ) Battle of the Sexes ( 517 ) Blind Jokes ( 10 ) Blondes ( 189 ) --- Dirty ( 1 ) --- Dumb ( 1 ) Business ( 194 ) Car Bumpers ( 24 ) Children ( 1 ) Computers ( 114 ) Corny ( 1 ) Crazy Jokes ( 25 ) Definitions ( 42 ) Dirty ( 101 ) Dumb Laws ( 50 ) Elderly ( 28 ) English ( 13 ) Entertainment ( 1 ) Ethnic ( 47 ) Family ( 8 ) Farmers ( 28 ) Female ( 12 ) Fishing ( 20 ) Food Jokes ( 32 ) Funny Ads ( 308 ) Funny Guides ( 13 ) Funny Puns ( 81 ) Funny Tests ( 12 ) Golf ( 14 ) Heaven, Hell ( 27 ) Holidays ( 49 ) Idiots ( 35 ) Indians ( 12 ) Instruments ( 61 ) Insults ( 143 ) Kids ( 414 ) Knock Knock ( 4 ) Lawyer ( 93 ) Light Bulbs ( 334 ) Male ( 6 ) Marriage ( 71 ) Math ( 29 ) Medical ( 53 ) Military ( 71 ) Miscellaneous ( 1 ) Music ( 50 ) Nerd ( 1 ) --- All ( 1 ) Office ( 40 ) Old Age ( 21 ) One Liners ( 258 ) Parent ( 38 ) Police ( 80 ) Politics ( 196 ) Professional ( 279 ) Quotes ( 156 ) Redneck ( 91 ) Religious ( 437 ) Riddles ( 18 ) School ( 36 ) Science ( 77 ) Shopping ( 12 ) Sick ( 16 ) Sports ( 46 ) State Jokes ( 66 ) Thoughts ( 40 ) Top Lists ( 83 ) Travel Jokes ( 56 ) True Stories ( 378 ) Work ( 2 ) Yo Mama ( 25 )

Select to veiw... Cartoons ( 383 ) Embarrassing ( 242 ) Family ( 42 ) Kids ( 249 ) Other ( 573 ) Outdoors ( 646 ) Pets ( 396 ) Sports ( 126 ) Vehicles ( 171 )

Select to veiw... Cartoon ( 10 ) Children ( 11 ) Embarrassing ( 14 ) Entertainment ( 129 ) Family ( 6 ) Other ( 20 ) Pets ( 23 ) Sport ( 5 ) Stunts ( 3 )

Select to veiw... Adventure ( 4 ) Cartoon ( 3 ) Family ( 5 ) Kids ( 10 ) Racing ( 1 ) Shooting ( 3 ) Sport ( 1 ) Super Mario ( 3 )

Subscribe!
Get free jokes in your email.

Join our Facebook group!



Customer to waiter
Why are you writing very slowly?
I have swallowed a key
An old rich man buys hearing aids
A Kid calls the Help Desk
A blonde man filling up an application form
A Blonde cuts sides of the capsule before taking it
This is the only way
A ship is sinking


Dealing with a juggler
Careful when you wish
Answering machine message 67
Getting into fights
Go on a hiking trip
A snail buys a fast new car
Boat troubles
A 10pm curfew was imposed in Belfast
Woman is on a bus

Answer Machine

#1532 Answering machine message 152 Hi. I,m probably home, I,m just avoiding someone I don,t like. Leave me a message, and if I don,t call back, it,s you. ... #1531 Answering machine message 151 (Thug voice:) Uh, hello, Mike and Brian aren,t here right now. They,ve been kidnapped! So at the beep, leave your name, your number, your message, and ten thousand dollars in a brown paper bag. ... #1530 Answering machine message 150 (Theme music and voice from Alfred Hitchcock Presents:) Good evening. I,m sorry, but Steve can,t come to the phone now, as he,s quite tied up. (Sounds of struggle in background, and voice heard throug... #1529 Answering machine message 149 We,re not in cause we,re out LOOTING! Leave a message and we,ll call you back and tell you what we got. ... #1528 Answering machine message 148 Hi. This is David. I,ve shut the ringers off on my phones and taken a sedative. As soon as I finish this recording I,m going to bed indefinitely. When I wake up, I,ll play my messages. Please leave on... #1527 Answering machine message 147 We can,t get to the phone right now because we were killed in the earthquake. Tragic, isn,t it? But, leave a message anyway, someone is sure to get it eventually. ... #1526 Answering machine message 146 (To the tune of Sidewalk Surfing by the Beach Boys:) Catch a quake and go seismo surfing with me... (Music fades.) Yo, Dudes and Dudettes! Grab your skateboard and head for the nearest epicenter, beca... #1525 Answering machine message 145 Hi. This is John. If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn,t lend me enough money. If you are... #1524 Answering machine message 144 I can,t come to the phone right now because I,m down in the basement printing up a fresh new batch of twenty dollar bills. If you need any money, or if you just want to check out my handiwork, please ... #1523 Answering machine message 143 Hi, this is the answering machine. I am on strike. Any messages you leave will be deleted. ... #1522 Answering machine message 142 Thank you for calling the Smith residence. Our operators are presently on strike in sympathy with Major League Baseball. Please leave a message. ... #1521 Answering machine message 141 Hello, I,m not here right now. In fact, I,m out getting a new parakeet. If you leave a message after the beep, I,ll be sure to get back to you. Oh, and by the way, a word of advice; never try to clean... #1520 Answering machine message 140 Hi, this is Jim. Sorry I can,t take your call but I,m playing my guitar too loud to hear the phone ring. Please leave me a message and I,ll call you back at the end of Van Halen-1. ... #1519 Answering machine message 139 If this were the best of all possible worlds, I could come to the phone right now, but I can,t, so if you could leave your name and number... ... #1518 Answering machine message 138 Steve is reassembling Elvis, brain and can,t come to the phone right now, but if you leave your name... ... 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18