 | #1062 Twas the Night before Finals
T,was the night before finals,
And all through the college,
The students were praying
For last minute knowledge.
Most were quite sleepy,
But none touched their beds,
While visions of essays
... |
| #1061 Christmas downsizing
Today,s global challenges require the North Pole to continue to look for better, more competitive steps. Effective immediately, the following economy measures are to take place in the "Twelve Days o... |
| #1059 The night before Christmas for an attorney
Whereas, on an occasion immediately preceding the Nativity festival,throughout a dwelling unit, quiet descended, in which could be heard no disturbance, not even the sound emitted by a diminutive ro... |
| #1058 The strange Christmas scene
In a small southern town there was a "Nativity Scene" that showed great skill and talent had gone into creating it. One small feature bothered me.
The three wise men were wearing firemen,s helm... |
| #1054 The first reindeer seen in a bar
One evening, in a busy lounge in the deep south, a reindeer walked in the door, bellied up to the bar and ordered a martini. Without batting an eye, the bartender mixed and poured the drink, set it ... |
| #1053 Some Musical Christmas Advice
Make out your Chopin Liszt early before Debussy season, when you have time to check out Verdi good bargains are, can still get gifts Faure good price, not have to Handel large crowds and have time t... |
| #1052 Ten things to say about gifts you don`t like
10. Boy, if I had not recently shot up four sizes, that would,ve fit.
9. It would be a shame if the garbage man ever accidentally took this from me.
8. Perfect for wearing in the basement.
7... |
| #1050 A parent`s night before Christmas
,Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house
I searched for the tools to hand to my spouse.
Instructions were studied and we were inspired,
In hopes we could manage "Some Assembly Re... |
| #1049 Twenty ways to confuse Santa Claus
1. Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
2. While he,s in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ... |
| #1047 Lost X Files Christmas episode
Mulder: We,re too late. It,s already been here.
Scully: Mulder, I hope you know what you are doing.
Mulder: Look, Scully, just like the other homes: Douglas fir, truncated, mounted, transformed ... |
| #1045 Did Santa Give You That Present?
On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike.
The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that ... |
| #1044 Signs You`ve Had Too Much Holiday Cheer
1. You strike a match and light your nose.
2. You take off your shoes and wade in the potato salad.
3. You hear a duck quacking and it,s you.
4. You tell your best joke to the rubber plant... |
| #1043 Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer
A Russian couple was walking down the street in St. Petersburg the other night, when the man felt a drop hit his nose. "I think it,s raining," he said to his wife.
"No, that felt more like snow... |
| #1041 A Martha Stewart Christmas
Dear Santa:
I rarely ask for much. This year is no exception. I don,t need diamond earrings, handy slicer-dicers or comfy slippers. I only want one little thing, and I want it deeply.
I want t... |
| #1039 On the Twelve Days of Christmas, My True Love Gave
December 14, 2003
Dearest Dave,
I went to the door today, and the postman delivered a partridge in a pear tree. This was a delightful gift! I couldn,t have been more surprised or pleased darli... |
