 | #966 Orchestra jokes
Q: What is the definition of a Soviet String Quartet?
A: A Soviet Symphony Orchestra after a tour of the USA!
Q: What do you do with percussionists that lose one of their drumsticks?
A: Stick the... |
| #963 Arriving at Heaven
A soprano died and went to Heaven. St. Peter stopped her at the gate asking, "Well, how many false notes did you sing in your life?"
The soprano answers, "Three."
"Three times, fellows!" sa... |
| #960 The amazing conductor
When a young hotshot conductor was making his debut at the Met, he showed the jaded and skeptical orchestra how well he knew the music by singing all parts of the Lucia sextet during rehearsal.
... |
| #957 A Choristers` Guide To Keeping Conductors In Line
The basic training of every singer should, of course, include myriad types of practical and theoretical emphases. One important area which is often neglected, however, is the art of one-upmanship. The... |
| #954 This must be heaven
So this trumpet player dies. When he reaches is everlasting reward, the guy in the robe says, "You,re going to spend eternity with this combo, okay? There,s a bass player named ,Mingus, and a piani... |
| #949 Here is your punishment
"Haven,t I seen your face before?" a judge demanded, looking down at the defendant.
"You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter."
"Ah, yes," r... |
| #947 Contacting a friend
Two violinists make a pact that whoever dies first, he will contact the other and tell him what life in Heaven is like. Poor Max has a heart attack and dies.
He manages to make contact with A... |
| #945 The autograph book
Jacques Thibault, the violinist, was once handed an autograph book by a fan while in the greenroom after a concert.
"There,s not much room on this page," he said. "What shall I write?"
An... |
| #943 The insane conductor
A violist comes home late at night to discover fire trucks, police cars, and a smoking crater where his house used to be.
The chief of police comes over to him and tells him, "While you were ou... |
| #941 Make me a better musician
There once was a violist playing in the Winnipeg Symphony. He wasn,t that wonderful a player, so he sat at the back of the section. One day, he was cleaning out his attic and discovered an old lamp... |
| #939 Musicians on a sinking ship
A violist and a cellist were standing on a sinking ship together.
"Help!" cried the cellist, "I can,t swim!"
"Don,t worry," said the violist, "just fake it." ... |
| #937 Fight between the musicians
At a concert hall one night, the stage manager comes across an oboe player and a viola player having a fight.
He breaks the fight up and asks what the fight was about.
The oboe player says, "He ... |
| #930 Saxophone jokes
Q: What is the difference between a saxophone and a chainsaw?
A: It,s all in the grip.
Q: What is the difference between a lawnmower and a soprano sax?
A: You can tune the lawnmower and the owner... |
| #928 Piccolo jokes
Q: How do you get 2 piccolos to play a perfect unison?
A: Shoot one.
Q: Two musicians are walking down the street, and one says to the other, "Who was that piccolo I saw you with last night?"
A:... |
| #926 Piano jokes
Q: What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A: A flat minor.
Q: What do you get if you run over an army officer with a steam roller?
A: A flat major.
Q: What do you say to an a... |
