 | #7449 Why does the pianist close his eyes while playing?
Man: Why do you close your eyes while playing the piano?
Pianist: I can,t see the agony of the audience.
... |
| #2916 Phone songs
All of the following songs may be played on a touch-tone phone. Commas are pauses, and hyphens are held notes.
Mary Had A Little Lamb
3212333, 222, 399, 3212333322321 or
3212333, 222, 133, 321233... |
| #2915 Vocal jokes
Q: How do you tell when your lead singer is at the door?
A: He can,t find the key and doesn,t know when to come in.
Q: What is the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and an All-Pro offensive l... |
| #2913 Tuba jokes
Q: What is the range of a tuba?
A: Twenty yards if you,ve got a good arm.
Q: What,s a tuba for?
A: 1 1/2 X 3 1/2.
Q: There are two tubaplayers sitting in a car. Who,s driving?
A: The policema... |
| #2912 Trumpet jokes
Q: How many lead trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Fifty. One to do it and the others to stand around and say, "I could do that better.
Q: What do lead trumpet players use fo... |
| #2911 Trombone jokes
Q: How do you make a trombone sound like a french horn?
A: Stick your hand in the bell and play lots of wrong notes.
Q: How do you make a french horn sound like a trombone?
A: Take your hand out ... |
| #992 Arriving in Heaven
Three men die and go to heaven and queue to meet St. Peter.
St. Peter: Hi, what,s your name?
Paul: My name is Paul.
St. Peter: Hi, Paul. Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning?
... |
| #989 Where are we?
Fritz Kriesler and Rachmaninov had a recital in Carnegie Hall once. In the middle of the music, Kriesler got lost and turned around to ask Rachmaninov, "Where are we?"
Rachmaninov said, "Carnegie H... |
| #985 How to buy a stero
1. Carefully calculate power requirements, based on room dimensions, etc. Multiply by a factor of 100.
2. The ideal system should have as many lights as possible, preferably blinking and flashing i... |
| #982 Top Ten Signs The Concert You`re Attending is Not
From "Late Show with David Letterman" on Tuesday, August 9, 1994
10. It,s hosted by Ed McMahon.
9. "Amplifiers" are just enormous dixie cups.
8. Every song contains a plug for Green Giant fro... |
| #973 Any last requests?
A cowboy and a biker are on death row, and are to be executed on the same day. The day comes, and they are brought to the gas chamber. The warden asks the cowboy if he has a last request, to which ... |
| #971 Musical jokes
Q: What do you get when you play a new age song backwards?
A: A new age song.
Q: What happens if you sing country music backwards?
A: You get your job and your wife back.
Disco is to music wha... |
| #969 May I speak to the conductor
A musician calls the orchestra office, asks for the conductor, and is told that he is dead.
The musician calls back 25 times more and gets the same message from receptionist.
She asks why he kee... |
| #968 Efficiency
From: Efficiency & Ticket, Ltd., Management Consultants
To: Chairman, The London Symphony Orchestra
Re: Schubert,s Symphony No. 8 in B minor.
After attending a rehearsal of this work we make the ... |
| #967 Playing music
Last summer, the local orchestra decided to play Beethoven,s 9th symphony.
However, it being quite hot, the players were working up quite a sweat, until a neighbor let them use the ventilators ... |
