 | #87 Official drinking test
This simple five question test will help determine how drunk you really are. Begin by answering each of the five questions below truthfully. Then determine your score based on question answer values p... |
| #85 There is a monkey in the bar
A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He takes his first sip and sets it down. While he is looking around the bar, a monkey swings down and steals the pint of beer from him before he is able to st... |
| #83 A pirate at the local bar
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch.
The seaman asks, "So, how did you end up w... |
| #81 I`m trying to prove a point
A man drinks a shot of whiskey every night before bed. After years of this, the wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses, filling one with water and the other with whiskey.
After getting h... |
| #79 The Beer Prayer
Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hollowed be thy drink.
I will be drunk,
At home as in the travern.
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillages,
As we forgive those who spill ... |
| #78 I get so drunk that I imagine things
The drunk was floundering down the alley carrying a box with holes on the side. He bumped into a friend who asked, "What do you have in there, pal?"
"A mongoose."
"What for?"
"Well, you know ... |
| #77 Driving home very drunk
It seems a gentleman had too much alcohol at a party, was heading home, and was pulled over by a state trooper. Upon being tested, the fellow couldn,t walk a straight line any more than he could drive... |
| #76 I`ll trust you that you paid
A man walks into a bar and has a couple of beers. Once he is donem the bartender tells him he owes $9.00.
"But I paid, don,t you remember?" says the customer.
"Okay," says the bartender, "If yo... |
| #75 Drink fault-finding guide
A solution to all of your drinking troubles
Symptom: Drinking fails to give satisfaction and taste; shirt front is wet.
Fault: Mouth not open or glass being applied to wrong part of face.
Solutio... |
| #73 This pill allows you to fly
A man went into a bar in a high rise. He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out. He flew around for a minute and zipped back into the bar.
As the amazed newcomer... |
| #71 Free drinks for everyone
One night, a drunk comes stumbling into a bar and says to the bartender: "Drinks for all on me including you, bartender." So the bartender follows the mans orders and says: "That will be $36.50 please... |
| #69 Who gave you those black eyes?
A regular at Bob,s Bar came in one evening sporting a matched pair of swollen black eyes that appeared extremely painful.
"Whoa, Sam!" said the bartender. "Who gave those beauties to you?"
"Nobo... |
| #68 If she went out with me
A man had been out in the back woods for weeks, cutting logs. He was a bit scruffy and didn,t smell very good. Finally he needed a break and came in to town for a few beers.
In the bar, he saw the ... |
| #66 The wife is not speaking to me
One night, this guy come into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. Then he asks for another. After a couple more drinks, the bartender gets worried.
"What,s the matter?" the bartender asks.
... |
| #65 A brain goes to a local bar
A brain walks into a bar and says, "I,ll have a pint of beer please."
The barman looks at him and says "Sorry, I can,t serve you."
"Why not?" askes the brain.
"You,re already out of your head... |
