 | #1136 Welcoming to America
When young Jose, newly arrived in the United States, made his first trip to Yankee Stadium, there were no tickets left for sale. Touched by his disappointment, a friendly ticket salesman found him ... |
| #1134 Defining the Americans
We yell for the Government to balance the budget, then take the last dime we have to make the down payment on a car.
We whip the enemy in battle, then give them the shirt off our backs.
... |
| #1132 Competition of a nation
The Americans and Russians at the height of the arms race realized that if they continued in the usual manner they were going to blow up the whole world.
One day they sat down and decided to... |
| #1131 How to speak Southern
WORLD FAMOUS SOUTHERN TALK
BECOME A NATIVE SOUTHERNER
How to talk native SOUTHERN in one easy lesson
Aig - What a hen lays
Aints - He,s got aints in his paints
Paints - What cha put on yo... |
| #1130 Caught by a local tribe
A Frenchman, an Englishman and a New Yorker were captured by cannibals. The chief comes to them and says, "The bad news is that now we,ve caught you and we,re going to kill you. We will put you in ... |
| #1128 Facts about Americans
Facts about Americans. Did you know that . . .
Only 30% of us can flare our nostrils.
21% of us don,t make our bed daily. 5% of us never do.
Men do 29% of laundry each week. Only 7% of women ... |
| #1127 Texas builds it larger
A Texan, while visiting Toronto, found himself in the back seat of a taxi cab on the way to his hotel. Passing by the Royal York the Texan asked the cab driver "What,s that building there?" "That,s... |
| #1125 Mexican is at border
A US Border Patrol Agent catches an illegal alien in the bushes right by the border fence, he pulls him out and says "Sorry, you know the law, you,ve got to go back across the border right now."
... |
| #1124 Angering the Irishman
Three Englishmen were in a bar and spotted an Irishman. So, one of the Englishmen walked over to the Irishman, tapped him on the shoulder, and said, "Hey, I hear your St. Patrick was a drunken lose... |
| #1122 Defining these words
For more than 30 years, New York magazine has run a contest in which contestants take a well-known foreign language expression, change a single letter, and provide a definition for the new expressi... |
| #1119 English is very strange
Did you know that "verb" is a noun?
How can you look up words in a dictionary if you can,t spell them?
If a word is misspelled in a dictionary, how would we ever know?
If two mouses are mi... |
| #1117 Measuring on the job
There were three Aggies; one crane operator, one pole climber, one guide. The guide tied the crane to the end of a pole. The crane operator would then pick the pole up on end. The climber climbed t... |
| #1116 A cultural comparison
Aussies: Dislike being mistaken for Pommies (Brits) when abroad. Canadians: Are rather indignant about being mistaken for Americans when abroad.
Americans: Encourage being mistaken for Canadians wh... |
| #1114 Jump out of the plane
An Englishman, Frenchman, Mexican, and Texan were flying across country on a small plane when the pilot comes on the loud speaker and says " We,re having mechanical problems and the only way we can ... |
| #1113 English is really crazy
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbre... |
