 | #6447 My uncle got a job as a diamond cutter
My uncle got a job as a diamond cutter. When I asked him where he works, he said "I mow the lawn at Yankee Stadium."
... |
| #3361 Bathroom troubles
Three old men are sitting on the porch of a retirement home. The first says, "Fellas, I got real problems. I,m seventy years old. Every morning at seven o,clock I get up and I try to urinate. All day ... |
| #3360 When I become old
When I,m a little old lady, then I,ll live with my children and bring them great joy.
To repay all I,ve had from each girl and boy I shall draw on the walls and scuff up the floor; run in and out w... |
| #3359 A final diagnosis
Thought I,d let my doctor check me,
,Cause I didn,t feel quite right. . .
All those aches and pains annoyed me
And I couldn,t sleep at night.
He could find no real disorder
But he wouldn,t let ... |
| #3358 I have bad news
The doctor tells his patient: "Well I have good news and bad news..."
The patient says, "Lay it on me Doc. What,s the bad news?"
"You have Alzheimer,s disease."
"Good heavens! What,s the g... |
| #3357 Ode to cranky men
I chanced to pass a window
While walking through a mall
With nothing much upon my mind,
Quite blank as I recall. I noticed in that window
A cranky-faced old man,
And why he looked so cr... |
| #3356 New hearing aid
Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman ... |
| #3355 Humor about Senior Citizens
OLD KIDS never die, they just grow up
OLD KNIGHTS IN CHAIN MAIL never die, they just shuffle off their metal coils
OLD LASER PHYSICISTS never die, they just become incoherent
OLD LAWYERS neve... |
| #3354 Old Age Humor
OLD CREDIT CARDS never die, they just expire
OLD CRICKETERS never die, they just get bowled over
OLD CRICKETERS never die, they just get smashed for six
OLD DANCERS never die, they just step ... |
| #2099 I`m over the hill
We,re over the hill but don,t feel sad
This side of the hill ain,t all that bad.
So give us "five" and then a smile
To us who have been here for awhile.
With by-pass pain and mended hip
And plu... |
| #2098 In the dim and distant past
A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.
The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nicke... |
| #2097 She is angry at you
Worried because they hadn,t heard anything for days from the widow in the neighboring apartment, Mrs. Silver said to her son, "Timmy, would you go next door and see how old Mrs. Kirkland is?"
A few... |
| #2096 An ode to old age
There,s quite an art to falling apart as the years go by,
And life doesn,t begin at 40. That,s a big fat lie.
My hair,s getting thinner, my body is not;
The few teeth I have are beginning to rot.
... |
| #2095 Sharing everything
A young man saw an elderly couple sitting down to lunch at McDonald,s. He noticed that they had ordered one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the gentleman carefully divided the hamburger i... |
| #2094 I am not forgetful
Three ladies were discussing the travails of getting older. One said, "Sometimes I catch myself with a jar of mayonnaise in my hand, while standing in front of the refrigerator, and I can,t remember w... |
