 | #4419 Computer like an erection
How is a computer like an erection?
It stays up as long as you don,t screw with it!
... |
| #4340 stereotyping and self- righteous logic
Announcing C+- (Pronounced: C More or Less)
Unlike C++, C+- is a subject-oriented language (SOL).
Contributed by J. Favero, INTECS, Italy
Each C+- class instance, known as a subject, holds hidde... |
| #3051 Night before Christmas
The Night Before Christmas
A festive holiday poem by Hugh Drumm & Vincent Ambrose
,Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Net,
There were hacker,s a surfing. Nerds? Yeah, you bet.... |
| #3050 User song and music
User
(To the tune of Beck,s "Loser")
In the day of sysop nerds I was a flunkie
Jolt in my brains and body feeling chunky
With the plastic mouse balls spray paint the Commodore
System install wi... |
| #3049 Write your code in C
WRITE IN C (sung to The Beatles "Let it Be")
When I find my code in tons of trouble,
Friends and colleagues come to me,
Speaking words of wisdom:
"Write in C."
As the deadline fast approache... |
| #3048 What movies teach us
COMPUTERS & ELECTRONICS:
As depicted in movies,
Word processors never display a cursor.
You never have to use the space-bar when typing long sentences.
All monitors display inch-high lette... |
| #3047 Type what I tell you
While trying to diagnose a problem over the phone I told the user to type out his autoexec.bat file.
He said it said "File not found".
I told him to do a dir.
I asked him if he saw autoexec.b... |
| #3046 Q and A 14
My sister opened a computer store in Hawaii.
She sells C shells by the seashore.
Q: What does a proud computer call his little son?
A: A microchip off the old block.
Q: What happens if you cro... |
| #3045 Windows 98 hourly tweaks
11th-hour tweaks for Windows ,98 by Microsoft
10. Included subliminal "Impeach Janet Reno" messages in start-up screen.
9. New Internet Explorer feature: whenever you visit a Web site ending in... |
| #3044 Waiting on a long line
The checkout line at the hardware store was getting longer and longer as the clerk labored to get the new cash register to cooperate.
At one point she wailed "Oh no, NOW what do I do ? It just rang... |
| #3043 Costello calls Abbott
Costello calls Abbott with some questions about UNIX.
Costello: What is the command that will tell me the revision code of a program?
Abbott: Yes, that,s correct.
Costello: No, what is it?
... |
| #3042 New Microsoft Windows advertising slogans
At the time of writing, Microsoft,s slogan for Windows 95 was "Where do you want to go today?" These are some alternative and probably more truthful ad slogans for use with Windows.
1. Microsoft gi... |
| #3041 Would you define OCR?
OCR - Optical Character Recognition
A technology that can take written words and convert them back into computer-readable form, provided they,re in the right font, using the correct colors sometime... |
| #2981 You an Internet addict?
You Might Be An Internet Addict If...
1. You step out of your room and realize that your parents have moved and you don,t have a clue as to when it happened.
2. Your bookmark list takes 15... |
| #865 Computers are male
Reasons computers must be male
They have a lot of data but are still clueless.
A better model is always just around the corner.
They look nice and shiny until you bring them home.
... |
